my heart can break now....

so yesterday at school the girl sitting next to lucy puked at her desk. first of all...ew....second of all...ew. well, apparently lucy was pretty upset about it. not because it was gross but because her friend was sick. she went and talked to her teacher about it and had tears in her eyes out of concern for her friend. then when i spoke to her later i found out why she was so upset. my dear sweet lucy was so upset that her friend was going to have a tough night of throwing up. i guess she just assumed that everyone has to deal with what she does...and to her it was very sad to think of her poor friend going through that too.....doesn't that just break your heart?????

confessions

i hate my fish. everytime one dies i run out and get a new one as if it is something my kids will die without. i hate cleaning the tank and i put it off until we can't tell if the fish is even in the bowl. i love pets, and i don't mind cleaning cages but for some reason that fish is pointless to me. it doesn't do anything, we can't hold it or cuddle with it, and we can't love on it. so stupid...

lucy was pounding on the bowl today wondering if the fish was alive. i was hoping it wasn't but sure enough...eventually it moved. ugh....after this one goes (and i hope that's soon) we are done with fish in this house.

therapy

i do believe i am confusing my kids to no end. when asked, i tell them i don't believe in santa...after all, i want them to know that the real story of christmas is the one i've been promoting this whole time and that i didn't lie to them about it. however, i still play into the santa thing with them. i have the elf on the shelf that comes to check on them everyday and reports back to santa at night. i move it to a new spot every night after they are in bed just so they know he did his duties and their requests were passed on to the big man. i have to say, it really is fun watching joe change his location. he comes back giggling about where he hid it....i love it.

anyway...i tell them there is no santa and yet i am doing things to make them think there IS a santa....they will no doubt need some therapy someday...

perspective

if you want some good perspective on life....check out a blog i've been following. this is a family that attends our church and only recently did i meet them when i got to bring them dinner one night. they seem pretty stinking amazing.....

www.allthemarletts.blogspot.com

enjoy!

NYC

we had the BEST time on our trip to NYC!!! the kids had off school on friday so joe took off too and we drove to NJ and took a train into the city. our first stop was to rockefeller plaza to see the rockettes!! the kids loved the show and so did i...this pic is them getting ready for the 3-D part of the show....and joe in the background...clearly he was excited too.

!

then from there we headed right over to the american girl museum to get julie's hair done. apparently you need to get your doll's hair done more than we do because we got a lot of comments about how messy julie was....well...excuse me for having children that like to play with their toys!!

while we were at the doll museum the boys went to the lego store...shopped...and still had time to get back to us before we were done in the salon!

then we all ventured over to "top of the rock" and it was awesome! it was joe's idea and i have to give him full credit for it because it was so great! we could see everything from up there. the kids were the most excited about one certain thing though. one of their favorite books is The Great Gray Bridge and the Little Red Lighthouse. it's about the george washington bridge that was built over this little red lighthouse....so from the top of the rock we saw the bridge and then screamed with excitement when we saw the lighthouse too!


from there we went to eat our one and only meal at TGI fridays and then walked many blocks back to the train to go back to NJ. we were all tired but really excited to see Carlos Bakery a.k.a The Cake Boss from TLC. there was about a ten minute wait outside the store and it was packed inside. daisy and i were the lucky ones to wait and go in seeing as nobody else really cared at all. daisy and i had a great time though. we were such tourists and we got so giddy with excitement. once our order was in we high fived and just had so much fun together. daisy even got to take a picture with buddy's sister, madelyne. we ordered a crumb cake (we heard in the line how amazing it was) some italian cookies (none with jelly) and a cake that we always see on the tv show. the cookies were okay but the crumb cake and the cake really were worth every minute of waiting and the whole trip in. they were SO good!



as soon as we got home lucy wanted to try out her new apron. so even though we had had enough sweets, she and joe made some s'mores bars....which i ended up eating half of...ugh...


we ended up having a great family weekend together!!!

halloween

we had such a fun halloween this year! josh and summer (and murray) were visiting. of course we had our usual company too...kathyann and her family! we had a blast. it was very low-key and seemed quicker this year..love that! here are some pix...i was a disco person (too bad the pix don't show my awesome shoes!), daisy was a gypsy, tucker was a cowboy, and lucy was a ladybug. my niece, karalyn, was an indian and nathan was a police officer...oh yeah...and katelyn (who i'm holding) was a lion but not for very long. we even got murray to dress up as a shark. fun!

time with lucy

i am having so much fun during my afternoons alone with lucy! sometimes we nap, sometimes we shop, get errands done...whatever. it doesn't matter...we always have fun! she is a different kid when she is one on one and i am so grateful for this time with her! i will also be happy next year when they are all full day but i will live in the now....

yesterday we went outside because it was gorgeous out! i had plenty to do inside but i wanted to watch her play on the swings for awhile. i brought my people magazine out and sat to read but was freezing so i joined her in the sun...the lighting was perfect for some pix....here are some of them....is she photogenic (sp?) or what??? maybe i'm just partial.....

facebook

so it's my first full day without facebook and i feel a little sad and yet relieved that i don't know everyone's happenings for the day up to the minute detail of their lives. suddenly i have more time in the morning. the kids are watching their one tv show for the morning and soon i can pack lunches and get them ready. what cracks me up the most is everyone acting like this is such a big deal. i got so many phone calls and emails and texts wondering if i was okay!!! wow...facebook is such a part of our society now i guess that something MUST be wrong with me for me to want to cancel my account. FUNNY!!!!

hopefully next year when the kids are full day i'll get back into the world of facebook but for now, i need to focus on more important things....my life is too crazy this year to add one more thing to it.

i will update my blog as much as i can with pictures and just mundane things that happen around our house. like today lucy and i are heading to the pumpkin patch for her field trip. it should be a fun morning and then this afternoon i am heading to NJ to visit cassandra for the day!!! i can't wait to see her and i'm sure we'll have a fun dinner out together....not to mention the shopping beforehand.

even the littlest things...

last week in bible study i struggled to come up with a prayer request. i really wanted to come up with one because i didn't want to be prideful and say my life was perfect...it is far from that...well...not too far...i do love my life...but i wanted to find something that i am struggling with and share it with friends. so finally i came up with something. i find that i am getting grumpy with the driving to and from school all of the time. it's an easy drive but the fact that i have to drive it three times a day is wearing on me. so i shared that with my friends and went on my merry way to go pick up lucy (drive #2 of my day). i really want to have a joyful heart in all that i do and it was bugging me that i was getting so discouraged and complaining so much about that drive. i mean...it's my JOB! i want to be home with my kids...i want them to be at a christian school...what is my problem?????
later that week i found myself sitting in the end of the day car line having a few extra minutes to spare. i looked around and realized i forgot my book...but...i did have my bible and my workbook that had not made their way out of my car yet. i picked them up and managed to get three questions done and what do you know? i was suddenly in a better mood already! i did the same thing the next few days. my homework was fun to do and put me in a great spirit when those kids came running to the car.
it didn't hit me until about a day ago that this is exactly what i had asked for prayer about. suddenly i had chills when i realized that God is not too big for my little requests. He wanted me to be in the right spirit and He wanted me to be in His word....so of course...it's a win win! i am just always amazed at the way He works in my life and it certainly is a better place when i am open to what He has to teach me.

we survived

we did great during the first week of school!! the schedule with driving to and from three times a day is exhausting for me but i keep telling myself...it's just a year. next year they will all be full time and i'll probably long for these days having at least one of them home with me again. i got to have some alone time with lucy and some alone time with tucker this week. it was great. all three of them LOVE their new school. and i had to laugh when driving home tucker started singing "swing low sweet chariot." what a funny song for a little kid to sing. but he was belting it out in the back seat and loving the fact that he got to go to a chapel at school!
my sis and her family are here right now sleeping. i am sad that they are leaving today. we've had such a fun weekend and i know the kiddos have enjoyed seeing their cousins!!!
tomorrow we are back to the grind again....and i think the one lesson i have learned is to delegate some driving responsibilities to my hubby on the afternoons he is home.

i'm a nervous wreck!

here i am trying to calm the nerves of my soon to be third grader and i can't help but think...holy crap! they are in a new school...i don't know how to do the drop off or pick up or the dress code or the lunch rules. i don't know any of it!!!! (i know i will learn quickly but still) i'm also torn up about tucker being gone ALL DAY LONG! i can't believe this child is in kindergarten already. it is killing me. this afternoon i started crying into joe's shoulder to which he responded, "you and i are very different. i am excited for them to be gone!" the nerve!!!! then when i was putting tucker to bed tonight we were praying and i started to cry again! it seems like just yesterday i was bringing him home from the hospital...now i sound painfully old. thank goodness tomorrow i get to keep lucy home with me while the older two go off to full day school. ugh....i think we are both due to get a pedicure tomorrow...that will definitely make me feel better about all of this!

on a side note i am super excited for my sis, brother in law, and kiddos to come and invade our house this weekend. it will make for a really fun time and i'm sure we will all laugh a lot. i love seeing my kids get to play with their cousins!!! it's the best! can't wait to see you mandy!!!!!! i'm sure our husbands are dreading us being together....let the eye rolling begin!

amazingness to say the least

i love when suddenly you can see the whole big picture with God's hand blessing every part of your life for the last two years and you had know idea how it was happening. i mean, who am i to even question God's plan? but it's pretty cool when you see it laid out for you.

everyone knows our struggle with lucy...two years of testing and vomiting and headaches and no test showing a reason why. finally we got a diagnosis of the chiari malformation but we still weren't convinced it was causing her trouble. we weren't convinced we were making the right decision with the surgery and that she would be free from her symptoms. we trusted in the surgeon that said it needed to be taken care of and that it was a big one. soon after the surgery lucy started with her symptoms again. i didn't want to believe it but sure enough she was vomiting again. as if that wasn't frustrating enough, her doctors didn't seem to care to see her.

daisy and i had to take a trip to the dr the other night for her swimmers ear that was really bothering her. we were the last appointment of the night and we were an easy one. the doc could've come in checked her ears and left to go home to his family but instead he sat down to talk to me. he asked a couple of questions about lucy and came up with what i think is the exact diagnosis for her. something so simple...abdominal migraines. holy crap!!!!!!! seriously???? something that easy....

i am amazed that we had never seen this dr before the other night. i am amazed that we never got this simple diagnosis...and i truly believe that God wanted us to find lucy's chiari before we knew what was really wrong with her. she had to have that surgery...she had to be fixed before we could settle her symptoms of the migraines. that just amazes me more than i can say!!!! i just don't know how people can not believe in God when you clearly see His hand at work!

that all being said, i feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. i didn't realize how stressed i was about lu's health and the pain she was feeling every month. poor kid...all she needed was some tylenol and a dark room to sleep in...and maybe some meds but we are researching that now to come up with something to help her.

i love my kids and i love that God has entrusted them to me to take care of. it sure is humbling!

finally a weekend with "nothing" to do!

we had a great weekend! nothing was on our calendar so we just did things around the house, had some neighbors over for dinner, and visited some family! it was great!!! just what we needed before school starts next week. i am even excited looking at my calendar for this week as there is only one day that has something on it! i love it! i can seriously enjoy my kids for a whole week before they go back to school.
today i am making some phone calls to different doctors to see what we can do about lucy. she's had two more episodes of vomiting since her surgery. it's frustrating because we did the surgery hoping this would go away...but i can't think that way and i have to remember that she absolutely needed to have the surgery anyway. the doctors we are working with now don't seem too interested in seeing her again and i don't want to push her to do more testing at all...but to see her so miserable makes me think something is definitely wrong with her. i really don't know....
i was a little sad that i couldn't participate in ellen's run this year. it's a yearly fundraiser for breast cancer research that my whole family takes part in. i shouldn't say that i couldn't go...i just chose not to. like i said earlier...we had nothing to do this weekend and we really needed a weekend with no traveling. so i supported my fam and they had a very emotional and fun and exciting day yesterday. i'm so proud of all of them...they worked hard and raised money for a worthy cause!!!!
i'm really excited that joe has decided to lose 20 lbs with me! that will make it much easier for me too. he hit a weight that apparently upset him...he looks great to me but it's exciting to think he wants to be healthier...so no more sitting on the couch at night watching him snack! now we can both be eating fruit and veggies together! i love it!!!!!!!

back to reality

in some ways it's so good to be back home. it's nice to sleep in my bed and not wake up with back pain, it's nice to have vegetables at every meal, and it's nice...well...i'm having trouble coming up with a third thing about being home...oh yeah...it's AWESOME to be back with joe full time again! we are such a great team and have so much fun together that i really do miss him when he is away. not to mention i miss the extra set of hands when it comes to bath and bedtime with the kids.
i do hate coming back to the craziness of life though. boy did i love sitting on the beach and not having a care in the world. here we are now with the phone ringing off of the hook, neighborhood kids ringing the doorbell every hour, and chores that need my attention. i miss being with my kids already. daisy leaves for overnight camp on sunday...her first time...and i am going to miss her so much. if it wasn't the family's camp, and if my sister in law didn't live down there, daisy would not be going...but who am i to hold her back...she wants to go so she should go and have a great time! i just hate letting her go....
we went shopping yesterday for tucker's back to school stuff. WHAT???? when did this kid get old enough to go to kindergarten???? and what was i thinking to find a school that could keep him full day????? i know in my heart that God led us to this special school so tucker could have a full day and not be rushed through his learning but it is coming at me too fast. it will just be me and lucy in the afternoons for this year and then she goes full day next year. wow...suddenly my world is changing and i am certainly not ready for it. i always talked about this but now that it is a reality it's very daunting. i just got established as a "stay at home mom" and now what? back to work?
lucy went for her recheck at the hospital yesterday and she got the approval to go ahead with no restrictions. let's just pray that she doesn't have anymore vomitting episodes and that we are past this problem all together.
i'm off to the gym now at this crazy early hour but it's the only time i can do it and not take time away from the kiddos. thankfully my neighbor is going with me and i adore spending time with her so it makes it easy to get out of bed.

almost over

i can't believe our vacation is almost over. we leave in two days and it feels like we've only been here for two minutes. we haven't done any of our usual adventures like the aquarium or the children's museum or the game farm. we've just been content getting to the beach, the bay or the pool and of course hanging with family! some of our family i haven't even seen yet!!!! how does a whole month go so quickly???

i love my time in east hampton, not because of the location but because it is time with my family. my kids get to play with their cousins as much as they want, and i get to see my siblings, parents, cousins and friends in a non-rushed atmosphere. it's such a luxury that i have and i hope i get to do it ever year. we're on year eight now so i think it will probably stick. i even tried to talk daisy into living up here someday so joe and i can get a summer house and spend the whole summer up here. ha! we shall see how that goes...daisy seemed into the idea. :)

i am excited to get back home though. i miss my bed, my coffee, my friends and my YMCA. but once i'm back there i will miss my fam again.....oh well...there's always next year!

nothing new to report

first and foremost...lucy is doing amazingly well! she doesn't even complain about her head hurting and she is less and less nervous about her scar now. she plays normally and can keep up with all of the other kids. what a blessing!!!

VBS is going on at my parent's church this week. i am in charge of leading the music and teaching the kids all of the "moves". it's been really fun and i think everyone helping out has a great team spirit. we are all getting into and laughing a lot. it's really fun to see the kids having such a great time but even more fun seeing the adults enjoy themselves too! saturday night after the week at church is over my parents are hosting a staff party at their house. but..joe comes tonight to stay for the weekend so i am hoping that we can go out saturday night to celebrate our ninth anniversary (which is on the 21st) to our favorite restaurant! i will leave the kids at my parent's party and head out on a date with joe. i am drooling right now thinking of the garlic knots and pasta that we will get...and an added bonus of being able to sit and talk to each other...we can take as long as we want!

right now i am watching my nephews for my sis...they are so cute and super easy so i am blogging while they play really well with my kiddos. maybe i have to start a project in her house...i've learned that i have a hard time sitting still too long. i always like to have a project to tackle. i'm getting excited now just thinking about it....

so stinking hot!!

this weather is just crazy but boy am i glad i don't have to be cooped up inside because of the heat. i can run to the bay or beach or pool and that works just fine. i'm hoping this weekend will be a bit better because joe is coming out tonight. but the biggest surprise of all is that his DAD is coming out too!!!! i never thought anyone from his family would make it out this way again after our wedding. they are so busy with their own stuff that i didn't even think it interested them to come out. so i am really excited that joe's dad is coming (hopefully they are on their way right now) and they are bringing a sailboat with them on a trailer!!! this should be a super fun weekend. it's always extra fun when joe is here on a weekend because the kids are excited to see him and so am i.
today at the beach it was gorgeous! it was one of those days that you wish you could bottle up and remember forever. the kids were happy, the water was warm, and it was just perfect. thank you God that even in this heat we can remember how amazing you are!!! creation is an awesome thing.
i'm having fun with the kids this week but i find myself getting frustrated with how spoiled they act sometimes. i hate getting eyes rolled at me because i packed the wrong sandwich, or when i buckle a seat belt the wrong way. i try to be patient so i can help them learn patience but boy is it hard sometimes.
i'm hoping that next week i can meet up with some high school friends to catch up with them and their kiddos! i'll post some pix soon as i have so many good ones that it's hard to choose.
update on lucy: she is doing great!!! yesterday and today she hasn't even mentioned her head hurting. that is huge!!!!! she has been happier and just been able to keep up with everyone else. we are trying to get her to swim by herself in the pool and she is enjoying that extra special attention. i did call the dr today because she has been complaining about leg pain around bedtime. they didn't seem too concerned so i am going with that and not thinking about it again. it's hard not to think that something might go wrong because her recovery has been too perfect. that's where i fail in my faith for sure....

how spoiled was i???

how spoiled was i that i got to grow up so close to the beach? i love the beach and it kills me when the kids complain that we are going there again!!! the nerve of me to make them go to that horrible place! just kidding...they are troopers. i think they just don't like the hassle of getting ready but to me it's totally worth it. i even love being sunburned!!
today we took a day to hang out inside and rest. we needed it! we've been going going going for about two weeks now so we watched movies and napped. then after dinner we headed to the beach for a bonfire. tucker went in the water a little and then when it got cold we headed home. now the kiddos are watching a movie cuddled up in tucker's bed together. i love the summer. i love not having a routine and i love for them not to have to worry about bedtimes.
tomorrow we are having a family picnic which i'm excited about! i love getting together with the family...that's what's most important right?
lucy is doing well...she complains a little here and there but i can't remember when i gave her tylenol last. she could probably stand to have it at least once a day but she hates taking it now (power struggle) so i just let her go without.
joe got home safely today and we sure will miss him until he comes back on friday! we hate when he leaves but we do still have fun! i'm off to rest for awhile while the kids watch their movie...gotta get it while i can.

it's official...

...i have not been present for a birthday for one of my kids. all day i've been thinking back 8 years ago to when i had daisy. joe and i were so newly married (just under a year) and we were just getting used to living together when all of a sudden we have a new roommate. that was a big year for me. i had gotten married, moved away from home and had a baby...all in one year!!! i was so young too! sometimes i feel like daisy and i have grown up together.

i just love daisy. she was a tough cookie as a toddler but has just blossomed into one of the most amazing kids i've ever met. she's always happy to do what needs to be done, and is so flexible and positive through it. she has taught me so much in her 8 years. her laugh is one of the best i've heard...and just like me, when she laughs hard her nose flares out and she starts to cry. she loves to be silly and is the best big sister out there...well...one of the best (love you mandy.)

daisy, i'm so sorry i can't be with you on your special day...i know it's just a date but i have so many memories of that date! you changed my whole life!!!!! you changed it for the better. i can't wait to see you on friday so i can give you a huge hug. then i'll know what it feels like to get a hug from my favorite eight year old. love you daisy and i'm so proud of who you have become!

pajama party

lucy and i are enjoying not having to be anywhere today. we are staying in our pjs for awhile. i skipped my workout this morning (don't worry cassandra i will do it later in the day today) to stay in bed with my little lady for an extra hour or two...it was great! not to mention...drinking coffee when you are in your pjs just makes it taste better i think. the pic above is lucy napping under her prayer shawl that someone at my parent's church made for her...so sweet!

i just have to stop and say...isn't it so nice to be blogging about such mundane things again????? praise God for the norm!

tomorrow is d's birthday. she has been saving up for another American girl doll (i refuse to spend that kind of money on another one!) since Christmas and she is almost to the amount that she needs. i think she needs another $4 or something. we recently took all of her money out to recount and she was missing some but after cleaning her room i found a big chunk in one of her cubbies. so i took all of the cash and ordered her the doll. i treated for the shipping and the extra $4 as her birthday present. i know that doesn't seem like much but i had already spent $30 on another gift she got a couple of weeks ago. she will be so excited when that gift shows up...but i think it's not getting there until the day after her b-day...still she will be excited!

today i will try to tackle the garage. it desperately needs to be organized and it's not as disgustingly hot outside as it has been lately. our big storms we were supposed to have yesterday turned out to be a nice steady sprinkle for all of half an hour. we NEED rain so badly. anyway...the garage...yes, it needs to be cleaned up and organized. i also got my scrap booking stuff out and on the dining room table so i could get caught up while lucy is napping or watching a movie.

nothing exciting to report...isn't that nice?????????

clean rooms

with the older two kids out of the house all day and only lucy to tend to i had the opportunity to really clean out some rooms. daisy's room took me about an hour!! the child saves EVERYTHING. i even found a pile of q-tips in a corner of her room with a sign over it that said "fairy house do not disturb" oh brother...now i have to be careful of a fairy house? i don't think so...into the garbage they went. i'm sure i'm stifling her creativity and damaging her imagination but the room needed to be cleaned badly. it's beautiful now...i love it and i know it will stay that clean for about a month until she comes home. tucker's room wasn't as bad since he just got a new bed and i cleaned his room out a week ago. it feels really good to walk the hall of the upstairs and peek into all of the REALLY clean rooms! today i am working on the toyroom and i might get some scrapbooking stuff out for when lucy is watching a movie or two. one kid is way easy! i should say...one kid recovering from surgery on the couch is way easy. i am going to call the dr today and take her in to get her incision checked. i think it looks good but i just want to double check on it.

i head into weight watchers tonight after not being there for two weeks. i was nervous about the week in the hospital but i ended up losing weight there. so i know when i go tonight i'll hit my 50 lb weight loss and even go over it. by my calculations i've lost about 55. yeah me!

not much else to report....isn't that awesome???? d and t are having a great time with my parents. i saw some pix last night of them at the beach making s'mores over a fire. tonight they are going to toy story 3. i am jealous!! hopefully we can make the trek up there on thursday night when joe is done with work. it would be nice to spend the weekend on the beach...not to mention the next month on the beach! i am excited just thinking about it. time to dust off the beach chairs....oooh....maybe i will clean out the garage today...now i'm even more excited.

back on track

lucy is doing just great! she gets worn out so easily and it's hard to watch her get frustrated because she can't do what she wants. but she is doing really really well! my parents are in town for the weekend and then tomorrow they are heading out to east hampton with daisy and tucker. that should give us a couple of days to just hang out and get better before heading up there ourselves. we are hoping to get there before fourth of july weekend....maybe we'll leave thursday night! of course, this all depends on little lucy.
yesterday i was wondering where daisy was at some point in the afternoon. i found her up in her room reading. she seemed to be sad about something but wouldn't tell me what. finally she said "alright...i'm sad that you can't go to the zoo sleepover with me!" major broken mommy heart moment!!!!! i said, "me too! let's go lay on your bed and sulk together." so we laid there and talked a lot and she understands why i had to stay but we agreed that it still was stinky! she ended up having an amazing time at the zoo last night. she even called to ask if she could stay longer with some of the girls that were staying. this is a HUGE answer to prayer...so thanks everyone for covering me on that one!
another tough one will be daisy's birthday this week. she will be at her grandparent's house where they will have a birthday party for her and spoil her rotten all day long. i know she'll be well taken care of but my heart is aching that i can't be with my child on her birthday. she will be fine...i might not be. :)
my parents, tucker and i were heading out to walmart this morning. lucy jumped up and wanted to go with us. i got her dressed and put a headband in and when she went to look for her shoes she started crying saying "my head hurts but i still want to go." poor thing has been cooped up for too long. she settled for taking a walk in the stroller with joe. i, of course, feeling terrible proceeded to go to walmart and buy fun new sheets for her bed, and new movies for her to watch.
thanks everyone for all of the treats and goodies and toys that have been flooding our house. we really do appreciate all of the love that has been poured out on my family. i can't thank everyone enough!!!! we really feel God's love and grace through all of this. i know it's so minor compared to what some people have to live with but it has been an upheaval on us so thanks for loving us through it!

back to "normal"

i don't think i'll ever take "normal" for granted again...at least i will try not to. lucy is doing great today. so far she's eaten 1 choc chip pancake and half a bagel with cream cheese. last night she ate some soup and a bagel and kept it down. now she's lying back down and resting again. she gets worn out really easily...as expected! we got the go ahead to leave so now we just have to wait for our ride. joe has a long day today and then he is coming right here to get us. so we will hang around for one more day and be in our own beds tonight. yes!

i feel much more confident bringing lucy home today. i'm almost glad she wasn't as good yesterday because if that had happened to me at home with her i would've had to bring her back in. now at least i have one bad day under our belts and i feel more comfortable with her at home.

daisy has a sleepover at the zoo tomorrow night with her brownie troop. originally i was going to go with her, then when lucy's surgery was planned i told her i couldn't go. now i'm not quite sure what to do. i think the right thing to do is stay home with lucy. i would hate to be away if something happened. but on the other hand, daisy will be the only girl on the trip without her mom. i know she'll do fine and have a great time but i worry that because there isn't one specific person looking out for her that something will happen. i will pray for God to calm my heart about this one. she is excited to go and i know i can trust that she will stay safe and not wander off. i need to be with lucy. i hate these choices!!!!

my parents are headed to PA tomorrow and i am really excited to see them. i know lucy is too. it will be hard on sunday when they leave with daisy and tucker...i will miss them so much since i've already been away from them this week but i know lucy will be too worn out with them around. hoepfully we'll get to head up to east hampton a week from today. it will be so nice to sit and relax on the beach for a few weeks before returning for lucy's dr visit follow up.

thanks everyone for your continued support. and for those of you that have sent lucy little treats here and there...thank you thank you thank you. you really have made our days more tolerable and put a smile on lucy's face!

yucky day

we've had kind of a rough day today with lucy. she just hasn't wanted to do anything and has stayed in bed all day. finally she perked up a bit at about 4 so we followed her lead and took her for a walk. well the five minutes that we were out was five minutes too long. she started crying and saying how much her head hurt. so we quickly carried her back and laid her in bed. now she is sleeping and hopefully she will sleep for a couple of hours until her next dose of medicine is due.

i do feel as though we have so much to be grateful for. this morning as she was sleeping the alarms went off down the hall and suddenly all of the drs went running. the room two doors down from us has a little child that is clearly suffering. i don't know if it's a boy or a girl but they are not doing well. the mom and dad were outside my closed door crying and moaning. i just sat here and cried too wondering if they were thinking this was it for their kid. it was terrible to hear and i can't imagine how it felt. i've walked by their room a few times since this morning and there is always someone in there working on the child. please take a minute out of your day to pray for this family. pray for them to feel God's peace and grace and love on them. pray that the drs show grace in dealing with the child and the family.

joe is visiting today so i got to shower and run downstairs to the food court. wowee was that nice! i picked up some extra interactive toys for lucy at the gift shop since we'll be here another whole day. thanks everyone for checking in and praying for lucy and the rest of our family. we feel your prayers!!! God is definitely with us and we are blessed more everyday!!

until tomorrow....

mcdreamy

someone woke me early this morning from the neurosurgery team. i could barely see without my glasses on and the fact that i had just fallen back asleep after joining lucy for a 3 am snack and drink. i just pretended that he was dr. mcdreamy and suddenly it didn't matter what he was saying...he couldn't say anything wrong. i did however realize he was telling me that lucy was doing really well and was asking if i wanted to go home today. yes i do want to go home!!!! as scared as i am about bringing her home and there being a problem, i know she will recover faster at home. we have our own foods, toys, and beds there. not to mention there is no constant beeping all night long in our room and other rooms.

that brings me to another point. now, i am not complaining about my nurses. they have been nothing short of amazing! however, can't a hospital make it a policy that after 11pm people walking the halls have to be quiet? i mean seriously!!! what's with waking up at 1am to a bunch of nurses and staff hanging out at the desk (right outside my room) laughing and joking around. i know they have a twelve hour shift but you know what? i have an indefinite shift and if i don't sleep a little bit, my next shift won't go so well for anyone. okay...done complaining....

i am super excited to get lucy home today. she has just amazed me through this whole thing. she was cheery on the way to get her scar (obviously she knew what this entailed but not to the degree that i did), she has done anything and everything that anyone has told her to, and she has defied the odds for recovery. nobody expected to see her up the first day going on the potty, and then walking around the second day for as along as she was. she even painted a picture with another little girl in the playroom. so cute!! she misses everyone and is ready to go but hasn't complained nearly as much as i would've let her! i just love her...she's awesome.

hopefully my next post will be from home!!!!

oh sleep, why dost thou leave me?

last night could've been a lot worse but it seemed painful being awakened every hour. our nursing team here is awesome and they do their best not to wake us up but they have to make lucy open her eyes and then they check her pupils by shining a huge flashlight in them. poor lucy...she was weepy last night. she wanted her dad and she wanted to go home. i don't blame her...i feel the same way.
she woke up this morning at 7...awesome job lucy! she is stiff but moving well and in good spirits so far. her liquid IV was disconnected this morning to see if she could get enough fluids on her own. if she can do it then the IV can come out today sometime. i also let her wear panties instead of diapers so she is slowly getting more comfortable. i also brought a toy that my dear friend betsy sent lucy (thanks bets!) last week. i pulled it out of a bag this morning and boy did she smile!! she is playing as best she can without moving like she wants to.

i'm so proud of lucy for being such a trooper. she really is amazing to me. even the nurses can't believe how good she is about taking medicine and doing what they tell her to. it would be easy to protest every part of this but she is handling it really well!

i got to have a moment last night where i was just so appreciative to God for our new perspective on life. it's so precious and we take it for granted too often. i'm grateful for my lucy...for all of my kids. they are such blessings and i hate that i am not appreciating them for who they are all the time. why does it take a surgery for me to realize what amazing little people they are???? hopefully today will include taking out lucy's IV and unhooking her from every monitor known to man. she will be much more comfortable and i know that means we are one step closer to going home. she will do better at home and i think i will too!

thanks for the continues prayers!!! they really are making everything go perfectly.

lucy's surgery

lucy got through surgery just fine today. so many of our prayers were answered and to think i was feeling greedy asking for things like a good night's sleep. it's amazing the way God answers even our littlest of prayers!!!
for lucy's surgery there is a minor version where they don't cut through the dura (you can google all of this under chiari malformation and decompression), and the more invasive surgery which is where they cut completely through the dura. the surgeon used his judgement once he got "in there" and felt very confident that he could get what he needed to get without cutting all the way through the dura. so...it was a middle of the road surgery. this is just perfect for us. we were worried about the more minor surgery because of the surgeon not being able to fully get what he needed to, and we were concerned with the major surgery because of the miserable recovery period. we didn't even know that this middle surgery was an option. this truly is the power of God at work on all accounts.
lucy is lying here now in front of me in miserable pain. the nurses have been telling me that tomorrow is worse. i'm saving my tears for while she is asleep because when she is awake i have to work on calming her down. hopefully this pain won't last too terribly long for her sake.
gotta go eat some lunch now...i'll write more tomorrow. thanks so much everyone for all of your prayers. lucy is literally covered in prayer-she is wearing her prayer shawl that a very special lady from my parents' church knitted for her. love it! ...more updates to come...

updates

tomorrow is lucy's preop appointment and i'm just a little nervous to drive into the city by myself. i have no choice though so i'll just get it done and over with. hopefully we won't be in there too terribly long. then the countdown begins for the surgery.
yesterday i got the opportunity with the women's ministry in my church to go white water rafting. i bought four tickets right away and invited some neighbors with me. let me just say that we will be laughing about the things that happened for a long time to come. it was great team building, and we created moments that we will never forget. definitely good bonding! after the trip, we went to dinner just the three of us and laughed so hard about the day, we had tears streaming down our faces. i LOVE that!!!
nothing else too new around here. just trying to get daisy's end of the year stuff done and keep the house clean. that's enough!! also, trying to get the cat to be an outside cat. she is nice and easy but tuck and i are allergic so she needs to go out!
i'll write more tomorrow about how lucy's appointment goes!

peace

as the days pass by and i speak more of lucy's surgery to people, i feel more and more confident that we are going in the right direction. what an answer to prayer that i can have peace in a time when i could be nervous and frustrated and sad.
i haven't spoken to much of the surgery to lucy as i don't really know what to say to her. we told her that she would have a scar like mommy and daddy and tucker. i told her that she would get to watch a lot of movies but other than that i don't want to upset her. i tell her what i feel like she can handle but i don't want her to stress about it either.
otherwise, things are great here. tucker and lucy are going to their last day of science camp today. it is bittersweet for sure. i am happy that they will be home for the summer with no schedules but i am sad because it will be our last day at this school. it has been our school for four years now and we can't say enough about it. the teachers are amazing!!! we will be sad to leave but excited about venturing into the world of private christian schooling. i never saw myself here at this time last year...who knows where we will be next year at this time! it's amazing to see the way God works in our lives.
on a side note, i am close to having lost 50 lbs. i think i am at about 47 or 48 and i will know for sure monday night when i get weighed in...ugh. i am amazed at this journey as well. for years i've been trying to lose this weight. now all of a sudden it just started happening. i am so thankful and i am feeling more like myself. in another 20 lbs i will be at my wedding weight but if i stopped losing right now that would be okay. i have an amazing husband and family that love me no matter what! and...i happen to like myself too...

lack of control

it has happened a handful of times in my life. God reminds me that nothing is in my control. i have to keep being reminded to rely solely on Him. why is this something i have to try to remember? it's the most comforting promise to know that He is always with me...so why do i keep forgetting?
my kids have had major and minor health issues before but for some reason this one is a struggle. lucy just seems so little....but then again tucker was only 3 weeks old when he had to have his surgery. maybe because it's lucy's brain i worry more. i don't know. but i'm stressed...i especially don't like the waiting game. i can't plan anything....do we sense a pattern??
i am trusting with all of my heart...at least i am trying to.

snowfall

the snow we have been getting is just crazy! the last time i remember getting this much snow was about 7 years ago. we were living in the carriage house then and daisy was about six or seven months old. she wouldn't stop crying and seemed to be in pain but i didn't know what was wrong. thankfully my parents were visiting and my mother suggested it might be an ear infection. i called the dr but there was too much snow for anyone to meet me in the office. i would've walked there if i thought someone would see me. we had to wait until the next day to find out that daisy had a double ear infection. i won't ever forget that!
today i am watching about eight inches fall on the two or three feet we already have. it's so beautiful. i love watching it fall and being stuck inside. it gives our busy family an excuse to chill and be together and watch movies and play games and have fun! not to mention, get laundry done, clean the house and all of that fun stuff too! for these reasons i love the snow. if it keeps me away from going to see my family this weekend i will be slightly annoyed at it...but for now i will enjoy it and hope that we can get plowed out enough for the kiddos to have school on friday. i'm sure God finds some humor in my plans.

disney world

disney was great!!! we all had so much fun and i can't even list the things we got to do. it would take up my entire blog space! some of the highlights were, watching tucker do jedi training and then fighting darth vader, watching the kiddos on the roller coasters...they laughed and put their arms up in the air, having lunch with all of the princesses and being very spoiled, watching the kids squirm everytime we passed a character that they were scared of, watching my kids LOVE being with my parents, and of course, watching my parents laugh and have fun.
we were exhausted every single night but we needed to take advantage of all of our time there so why not push ourselves to the limits?
the best part of the vacation was coming home (to my own bed) and finding out that i had lost 3.3lbs while i was gone!!!! imagine what i could've lost if i hadn't cheated on my diet at all!!!! i was pleasantly surprised!!!
so today i am off to the grocery store, working out at the y, and going on a date with my husband tonight! i don't have much laundry to do, just unpacking, but that can wait for another day...maybe tomorrow.
i'll post pix later!

biggest loser

i reached my first weight loss goal and that was to lose 20 pounds. my weigh in at weight watchers was quickly followed by a celebration between joe and i. we ordered in some dominoes and i ate until my stomach hurt...which didn't take very long. i guess my body is not used to that food anymore so i was up with a churning stomach most of monday night. tuesday i got on my wii fit and it told me i had gained 2.4 lbs!!!!! crazy...so i am working my tail off this week to get back to where i was.
we are leaving for disney world on sunday. i am so excited but so stressed at the same time. i will feel great when the plane lands and we are in FL....and also once the bags meet us at the hotel. i know the kids are going to flip their lids at what we will see and what rides we will ride. i can't wait to see them so excited. i will also treasure the special memories that we will make. my parents are going with us which will make it that much more fun.
lucy has a cold which i'm hoping she'll get over quickly. daisy and tucker seem fine now but you never know. the nice FL warm sun and air will help us all feel better, i'm sure.
lately, i have been feeling led to stay on our schooling path that we are on already. i will take it year by year and try to follow the path God is laying out for me. i do have a peace about where they are and i think keeping them there will be a good thing. i am still open to change though if that's what needs to happen.
just wanted to update everyone...i'll write more when we get back from disney!

public school

i have always been a die hard public school supporter....until now. for some reason i can't get rid of this feeling that i need to be sending my kids to a christian school. i don't know why i am feeling this...i don't even have a particular school in mind. to be honest, it's really stressing me out. daisy LOVES her school and can't wait to go up to the next building next year.
i could really use some prayers on this one. i need to know what i'm supposed to do and i want to follow God's path for us. if we belong in a christian school, then we will be there. if it's public school, that's great too. i'm afraid of messing it up.