it's official...

...i have not been present for a birthday for one of my kids. all day i've been thinking back 8 years ago to when i had daisy. joe and i were so newly married (just under a year) and we were just getting used to living together when all of a sudden we have a new roommate. that was a big year for me. i had gotten married, moved away from home and had a baby...all in one year!!! i was so young too! sometimes i feel like daisy and i have grown up together.

i just love daisy. she was a tough cookie as a toddler but has just blossomed into one of the most amazing kids i've ever met. she's always happy to do what needs to be done, and is so flexible and positive through it. she has taught me so much in her 8 years. her laugh is one of the best i've heard...and just like me, when she laughs hard her nose flares out and she starts to cry. she loves to be silly and is the best big sister out there...well...one of the best (love you mandy.)

daisy, i'm so sorry i can't be with you on your special day...i know it's just a date but i have so many memories of that date! you changed my whole life!!!!! you changed it for the better. i can't wait to see you on friday so i can give you a huge hug. then i'll know what it feels like to get a hug from my favorite eight year old. love you daisy and i'm so proud of who you have become!

pajama party

lucy and i are enjoying not having to be anywhere today. we are staying in our pjs for awhile. i skipped my workout this morning (don't worry cassandra i will do it later in the day today) to stay in bed with my little lady for an extra hour or two...it was great! not to mention...drinking coffee when you are in your pjs just makes it taste better i think. the pic above is lucy napping under her prayer shawl that someone at my parent's church made for her...so sweet!

i just have to stop and say...isn't it so nice to be blogging about such mundane things again????? praise God for the norm!

tomorrow is d's birthday. she has been saving up for another American girl doll (i refuse to spend that kind of money on another one!) since Christmas and she is almost to the amount that she needs. i think she needs another $4 or something. we recently took all of her money out to recount and she was missing some but after cleaning her room i found a big chunk in one of her cubbies. so i took all of the cash and ordered her the doll. i treated for the shipping and the extra $4 as her birthday present. i know that doesn't seem like much but i had already spent $30 on another gift she got a couple of weeks ago. she will be so excited when that gift shows up...but i think it's not getting there until the day after her b-day...still she will be excited!

today i will try to tackle the garage. it desperately needs to be organized and it's not as disgustingly hot outside as it has been lately. our big storms we were supposed to have yesterday turned out to be a nice steady sprinkle for all of half an hour. we NEED rain so badly. anyway...the garage...yes, it needs to be cleaned up and organized. i also got my scrap booking stuff out and on the dining room table so i could get caught up while lucy is napping or watching a movie.

nothing exciting to report...isn't that nice?????????

clean rooms

with the older two kids out of the house all day and only lucy to tend to i had the opportunity to really clean out some rooms. daisy's room took me about an hour!! the child saves EVERYTHING. i even found a pile of q-tips in a corner of her room with a sign over it that said "fairy house do not disturb" oh brother...now i have to be careful of a fairy house? i don't think so...into the garbage they went. i'm sure i'm stifling her creativity and damaging her imagination but the room needed to be cleaned badly. it's beautiful now...i love it and i know it will stay that clean for about a month until she comes home. tucker's room wasn't as bad since he just got a new bed and i cleaned his room out a week ago. it feels really good to walk the hall of the upstairs and peek into all of the REALLY clean rooms! today i am working on the toyroom and i might get some scrapbooking stuff out for when lucy is watching a movie or two. one kid is way easy! i should say...one kid recovering from surgery on the couch is way easy. i am going to call the dr today and take her in to get her incision checked. i think it looks good but i just want to double check on it.

i head into weight watchers tonight after not being there for two weeks. i was nervous about the week in the hospital but i ended up losing weight there. so i know when i go tonight i'll hit my 50 lb weight loss and even go over it. by my calculations i've lost about 55. yeah me!

not much else to report....isn't that awesome???? d and t are having a great time with my parents. i saw some pix last night of them at the beach making s'mores over a fire. tonight they are going to toy story 3. i am jealous!! hopefully we can make the trek up there on thursday night when joe is done with work. it would be nice to spend the weekend on the beach...not to mention the next month on the beach! i am excited just thinking about it. time to dust off the beach chairs....oooh....maybe i will clean out the garage today...now i'm even more excited.

back on track

lucy is doing just great! she gets worn out so easily and it's hard to watch her get frustrated because she can't do what she wants. but she is doing really really well! my parents are in town for the weekend and then tomorrow they are heading out to east hampton with daisy and tucker. that should give us a couple of days to just hang out and get better before heading up there ourselves. we are hoping to get there before fourth of july weekend....maybe we'll leave thursday night! of course, this all depends on little lucy.
yesterday i was wondering where daisy was at some point in the afternoon. i found her up in her room reading. she seemed to be sad about something but wouldn't tell me what. finally she said "alright...i'm sad that you can't go to the zoo sleepover with me!" major broken mommy heart moment!!!!! i said, "me too! let's go lay on your bed and sulk together." so we laid there and talked a lot and she understands why i had to stay but we agreed that it still was stinky! she ended up having an amazing time at the zoo last night. she even called to ask if she could stay longer with some of the girls that were staying. this is a HUGE answer to prayer...so thanks everyone for covering me on that one!
another tough one will be daisy's birthday this week. she will be at her grandparent's house where they will have a birthday party for her and spoil her rotten all day long. i know she'll be well taken care of but my heart is aching that i can't be with my child on her birthday. she will be fine...i might not be. :)
my parents, tucker and i were heading out to walmart this morning. lucy jumped up and wanted to go with us. i got her dressed and put a headband in and when she went to look for her shoes she started crying saying "my head hurts but i still want to go." poor thing has been cooped up for too long. she settled for taking a walk in the stroller with joe. i, of course, feeling terrible proceeded to go to walmart and buy fun new sheets for her bed, and new movies for her to watch.
thanks everyone for all of the treats and goodies and toys that have been flooding our house. we really do appreciate all of the love that has been poured out on my family. i can't thank everyone enough!!!! we really feel God's love and grace through all of this. i know it's so minor compared to what some people have to live with but it has been an upheaval on us so thanks for loving us through it!

back to "normal"

i don't think i'll ever take "normal" for granted again...at least i will try not to. lucy is doing great today. so far she's eaten 1 choc chip pancake and half a bagel with cream cheese. last night she ate some soup and a bagel and kept it down. now she's lying back down and resting again. she gets worn out really easily...as expected! we got the go ahead to leave so now we just have to wait for our ride. joe has a long day today and then he is coming right here to get us. so we will hang around for one more day and be in our own beds tonight. yes!

i feel much more confident bringing lucy home today. i'm almost glad she wasn't as good yesterday because if that had happened to me at home with her i would've had to bring her back in. now at least i have one bad day under our belts and i feel more comfortable with her at home.

daisy has a sleepover at the zoo tomorrow night with her brownie troop. originally i was going to go with her, then when lucy's surgery was planned i told her i couldn't go. now i'm not quite sure what to do. i think the right thing to do is stay home with lucy. i would hate to be away if something happened. but on the other hand, daisy will be the only girl on the trip without her mom. i know she'll do fine and have a great time but i worry that because there isn't one specific person looking out for her that something will happen. i will pray for God to calm my heart about this one. she is excited to go and i know i can trust that she will stay safe and not wander off. i need to be with lucy. i hate these choices!!!!

my parents are headed to PA tomorrow and i am really excited to see them. i know lucy is too. it will be hard on sunday when they leave with daisy and tucker...i will miss them so much since i've already been away from them this week but i know lucy will be too worn out with them around. hoepfully we'll get to head up to east hampton a week from today. it will be so nice to sit and relax on the beach for a few weeks before returning for lucy's dr visit follow up.

thanks everyone for your continued support. and for those of you that have sent lucy little treats here and there...thank you thank you thank you. you really have made our days more tolerable and put a smile on lucy's face!

yucky day

we've had kind of a rough day today with lucy. she just hasn't wanted to do anything and has stayed in bed all day. finally she perked up a bit at about 4 so we followed her lead and took her for a walk. well the five minutes that we were out was five minutes too long. she started crying and saying how much her head hurt. so we quickly carried her back and laid her in bed. now she is sleeping and hopefully she will sleep for a couple of hours until her next dose of medicine is due.

i do feel as though we have so much to be grateful for. this morning as she was sleeping the alarms went off down the hall and suddenly all of the drs went running. the room two doors down from us has a little child that is clearly suffering. i don't know if it's a boy or a girl but they are not doing well. the mom and dad were outside my closed door crying and moaning. i just sat here and cried too wondering if they were thinking this was it for their kid. it was terrible to hear and i can't imagine how it felt. i've walked by their room a few times since this morning and there is always someone in there working on the child. please take a minute out of your day to pray for this family. pray for them to feel God's peace and grace and love on them. pray that the drs show grace in dealing with the child and the family.

joe is visiting today so i got to shower and run downstairs to the food court. wowee was that nice! i picked up some extra interactive toys for lucy at the gift shop since we'll be here another whole day. thanks everyone for checking in and praying for lucy and the rest of our family. we feel your prayers!!! God is definitely with us and we are blessed more everyday!!

until tomorrow....

mcdreamy

someone woke me early this morning from the neurosurgery team. i could barely see without my glasses on and the fact that i had just fallen back asleep after joining lucy for a 3 am snack and drink. i just pretended that he was dr. mcdreamy and suddenly it didn't matter what he was saying...he couldn't say anything wrong. i did however realize he was telling me that lucy was doing really well and was asking if i wanted to go home today. yes i do want to go home!!!! as scared as i am about bringing her home and there being a problem, i know she will recover faster at home. we have our own foods, toys, and beds there. not to mention there is no constant beeping all night long in our room and other rooms.

that brings me to another point. now, i am not complaining about my nurses. they have been nothing short of amazing! however, can't a hospital make it a policy that after 11pm people walking the halls have to be quiet? i mean seriously!!! what's with waking up at 1am to a bunch of nurses and staff hanging out at the desk (right outside my room) laughing and joking around. i know they have a twelve hour shift but you know what? i have an indefinite shift and if i don't sleep a little bit, my next shift won't go so well for anyone. okay...done complaining....

i am super excited to get lucy home today. she has just amazed me through this whole thing. she was cheery on the way to get her scar (obviously she knew what this entailed but not to the degree that i did), she has done anything and everything that anyone has told her to, and she has defied the odds for recovery. nobody expected to see her up the first day going on the potty, and then walking around the second day for as along as she was. she even painted a picture with another little girl in the playroom. so cute!! she misses everyone and is ready to go but hasn't complained nearly as much as i would've let her! i just love her...she's awesome.

hopefully my next post will be from home!!!!

oh sleep, why dost thou leave me?

last night could've been a lot worse but it seemed painful being awakened every hour. our nursing team here is awesome and they do their best not to wake us up but they have to make lucy open her eyes and then they check her pupils by shining a huge flashlight in them. poor lucy...she was weepy last night. she wanted her dad and she wanted to go home. i don't blame her...i feel the same way.
she woke up this morning at 7...awesome job lucy! she is stiff but moving well and in good spirits so far. her liquid IV was disconnected this morning to see if she could get enough fluids on her own. if she can do it then the IV can come out today sometime. i also let her wear panties instead of diapers so she is slowly getting more comfortable. i also brought a toy that my dear friend betsy sent lucy (thanks bets!) last week. i pulled it out of a bag this morning and boy did she smile!! she is playing as best she can without moving like she wants to.

i'm so proud of lucy for being such a trooper. she really is amazing to me. even the nurses can't believe how good she is about taking medicine and doing what they tell her to. it would be easy to protest every part of this but she is handling it really well!

i got to have a moment last night where i was just so appreciative to God for our new perspective on life. it's so precious and we take it for granted too often. i'm grateful for my lucy...for all of my kids. they are such blessings and i hate that i am not appreciating them for who they are all the time. why does it take a surgery for me to realize what amazing little people they are???? hopefully today will include taking out lucy's IV and unhooking her from every monitor known to man. she will be much more comfortable and i know that means we are one step closer to going home. she will do better at home and i think i will too!

thanks for the continues prayers!!! they really are making everything go perfectly.

lucy's surgery

lucy got through surgery just fine today. so many of our prayers were answered and to think i was feeling greedy asking for things like a good night's sleep. it's amazing the way God answers even our littlest of prayers!!!
for lucy's surgery there is a minor version where they don't cut through the dura (you can google all of this under chiari malformation and decompression), and the more invasive surgery which is where they cut completely through the dura. the surgeon used his judgement once he got "in there" and felt very confident that he could get what he needed to get without cutting all the way through the dura. so...it was a middle of the road surgery. this is just perfect for us. we were worried about the more minor surgery because of the surgeon not being able to fully get what he needed to, and we were concerned with the major surgery because of the miserable recovery period. we didn't even know that this middle surgery was an option. this truly is the power of God at work on all accounts.
lucy is lying here now in front of me in miserable pain. the nurses have been telling me that tomorrow is worse. i'm saving my tears for while she is asleep because when she is awake i have to work on calming her down. hopefully this pain won't last too terribly long for her sake.
gotta go eat some lunch now...i'll write more tomorrow. thanks so much everyone for all of your prayers. lucy is literally covered in prayer-she is wearing her prayer shawl that a very special lady from my parents' church knitted for her. love it! ...more updates to come...

updates

tomorrow is lucy's preop appointment and i'm just a little nervous to drive into the city by myself. i have no choice though so i'll just get it done and over with. hopefully we won't be in there too terribly long. then the countdown begins for the surgery.
yesterday i got the opportunity with the women's ministry in my church to go white water rafting. i bought four tickets right away and invited some neighbors with me. let me just say that we will be laughing about the things that happened for a long time to come. it was great team building, and we created moments that we will never forget. definitely good bonding! after the trip, we went to dinner just the three of us and laughed so hard about the day, we had tears streaming down our faces. i LOVE that!!!
nothing else too new around here. just trying to get daisy's end of the year stuff done and keep the house clean. that's enough!! also, trying to get the cat to be an outside cat. she is nice and easy but tuck and i are allergic so she needs to go out!
i'll write more tomorrow about how lucy's appointment goes!

peace

as the days pass by and i speak more of lucy's surgery to people, i feel more and more confident that we are going in the right direction. what an answer to prayer that i can have peace in a time when i could be nervous and frustrated and sad.
i haven't spoken to much of the surgery to lucy as i don't really know what to say to her. we told her that she would have a scar like mommy and daddy and tucker. i told her that she would get to watch a lot of movies but other than that i don't want to upset her. i tell her what i feel like she can handle but i don't want her to stress about it either.
otherwise, things are great here. tucker and lucy are going to their last day of science camp today. it is bittersweet for sure. i am happy that they will be home for the summer with no schedules but i am sad because it will be our last day at this school. it has been our school for four years now and we can't say enough about it. the teachers are amazing!!! we will be sad to leave but excited about venturing into the world of private christian schooling. i never saw myself here at this time last year...who knows where we will be next year at this time! it's amazing to see the way God works in our lives.
on a side note, i am close to having lost 50 lbs. i think i am at about 47 or 48 and i will know for sure monday night when i get weighed in...ugh. i am amazed at this journey as well. for years i've been trying to lose this weight. now all of a sudden it just started happening. i am so thankful and i am feeling more like myself. in another 20 lbs i will be at my wedding weight but if i stopped losing right now that would be okay. i have an amazing husband and family that love me no matter what! and...i happen to like myself too...