lack of control

it has happened a handful of times in my life. God reminds me that nothing is in my control. i have to keep being reminded to rely solely on Him. why is this something i have to try to remember? it's the most comforting promise to know that He is always with me...so why do i keep forgetting?
my kids have had major and minor health issues before but for some reason this one is a struggle. lucy just seems so little....but then again tucker was only 3 weeks old when he had to have his surgery. maybe because it's lucy's brain i worry more. i don't know. but i'm stressed...i especially don't like the waiting game. i can't plan anything....do we sense a pattern??
i am trusting with all of my heart...at least i am trying to.